Why did the lazy idiot cross the road?

Walking to the pedestrian crossing, there was an idiot lolling against the light pole waiting for them to change. Except they never would, because she hadn't pressed the button. Hence she was an idiot. The traffic was really heavy, so I don't know what she thought would happen.

I do hate this sort of lazy person. So I reached around and pressed the button, announcing loudly "I do find that these things work a lot better if you actually press the button".

Lights then changed instantly and I crossed. Hearing slack-jaw responses from the idiot, I turned and replied "Say whatever you want, but the only reason you are crossing this road is because of me." Idiot had no reply to that.

Why do some people think that the traffic will part for them like the Red sea for Moses rather than pressing that really easy button?

Spam, Spam, horrible Spam

Most updates these days seem to be quite brief and go out via the Twitter account. But sometimes something needs a few more than 128 characters for justice to be done.

I cannot be the only person experiencing a huge spike in scamming spam and phishing texts and emails? It has gone from a low-level couple a week to around twenty a day, and for the first time these leaching scum are firing them off as text messages too. Clearly they are spamming every number combination possible via a computer, but it does beg one big question: There must be people falling for these obvious scams.

Call me harsh, but anyone who thinks that they have won a lottery they never entered is clearly a fool. I have no time for anyone actually falling for some of the more obvious scams. However the other favourites are spammers trying to cash in on ambulance chasing claims or loan insurance claims. I've lost count of the number of spam messages that claim that my "loan application has been approved" or that I could "claim back £2560 on [my] PPI policy" (I do not nor never have had one). It's getting really old really quickly.

There is an urge to fire back a "sod off you scummy scrotey bottom-feeder" message, but I know such things are futile. At best all they will do is confirm to these leaching scum that the number or email address is live, and will therefore only attract more of this worthless junk.

Accidentally famous. Sort of.

Well I'll be covered in eggs and flour and baked in the oven for twenty minutes! I went around to my sister's house for her birthday bash, and was presented with a copy of the Bolton Evening News newspaper. There with a large chunk of a page to itself was a lovely photograph of me stood between the Mayor and Mayoress of Bolton when I presented them with copies of my books for the town's main library. I'd almost forgotton about that as it happened a little while ago.

If that hadn't been spotted by some-one who knew me, I might never have known that I'd used up a little more of my allotted five minutes of fame. I've not found an online link to the story on the BEN website yet though. I'm sure some internet sleuth will find it and post it here before I manage it though.

Too much info!

I have finally succumbed and at the request (read: repeated requests) of my publisher, I have joined the world of Twitter. Believe me, I'm not proud!

Apparently my screen name or whatever it gets called on this internet contraption is: @JenniferKirk667

Don't ask where the 667 comes from - it's origin is lost in the mists of time. Suffice to say that it is not because 666 other people really wanted the 'JenniferKirk' tag before I got in, late on the scene as per usual.

Share the magic of Christmas again.

This year has brought home to me that Christmas no longer holds the magic that it once did. Without children, there is no focus to Christmas, and I have to be honest and say it sucks just a little. So spare just a little thought at this time of year for those people who don't have children, and maybe let some of your relatives in this position spend a little time with your children if you have children so that they can share a little in the real magic of Christmas again. 

This post made sense in my head. Honest.

Long summer of war - I hadn't forgotten.

The day job got unexpectedly cancelled today at short notice. Apparently they had too many people allotted for too few vehicles after the icy weather earlier this week managed to write off a vehicle and damage several others. I got caught up in all that, on the M6 between junction 44 and junction 45. However, I escaped without a scratch, thankfully. I was piloting my wacky 44 ton house of fun to Falkirk in frosty weather and it had been raining all the way through Cumbria, much to my surprise. Usually when conditions are freezing rain falls as snow, but on Monday it didn't. 

I knew something was up when the vehicles in front of me slowed unexpectedly and swerved. I too had to react quickly to miss the BMW that sat in lane one of the motorway facing sideways and surrounded by broken metal and glass. It had slid at speed along the barrier. In lane three a Nissan pick up came to grief as I watched, slewing sideways and disappearing in a haze of shattered glass and tyre smoke. There isn't much you can do when you are travelling at over 50mph on what turned out to be black ice, and as the rig began to crab, I resisted the urge to apply the brakes - you can't on ice, unless you want to get to the scene of your accident a whole lot quicker. Another couple of vehicles flashed by sideways having their own little accidents and I thought I was going to hit one, but didn't. When I came to a stop I was at an angle across lane one and the hard shoulder with a wrecked car a few yards in front facing the wrong way with its hazard lights on. The driver of that came to see if I was okay, and I was. In the distance a hundred yards back down the motorway there were vehicles strewn everywhere, and nothing else was coming past. 

It took him three attempts to light his cigarette as he was shaking so much. The tarmac was really slippery, but I carefully went around my rig with a torch checking for damage. Given the amount of broken car parts I had crunched over, I was amazed that none of the tyres (there were fourteen on my rig) had popped. Bidding the man with the cigarette the best of luck, I headed carefully on my way as flashing blue lights appeared in the distance. As I cleared junction 45 and headed on into Scotland on the M74 I was conscious that there were no vehicles following; I later learnt that the motorway had been shut and I was the last vehicle through. The lorry that had been following me from the same company about half a mile behind took two hours to get through, and met me at Falkirk as I was leaving for home. 

Somewhere else in the country another company driver wasn't so lucky and his rig was written off (he was okay) numerous other slippery accidents ensured that several other rigs were off the road for repairs. I was told afterwards that I should consider one of my nine lives to have been well and truly used up, as black ice at motorway speeds rarely leaves vehicles involved in a motorway pile up, especially a 44 ton truck, without even a scratch. I shall use my remaining eight wisely. 

So instead of being at work, I'm here at the computer. We went Christmas food shopping at 4am, and I was surprised partly that there were quite a few other people making use of the supermarket not being too full of last minute grocery shoppers, and partly that there weren't more people with such forethought, as it is only two shopping days to go to Christmas. Zoë went to bed when we got back, but I went to bed last night at 6pm ready for a day's work that isn't, so I'm up for the day. I haven't had much chance to do any writing over the last couple of months between working 60-70 hour weeks and doing book signings, so I thought I would use the surprise time well. I've been meaning to take another look at 'Long summer of war' for a long time. I edited it a while ago - over a year as it turns out - and I wanted to come back to it with a fresh set of eyes detached from its creative writing process. The book was actually written between the first two of the stars trilogy, so is of a similar writing style. I've read to page 23 so far, and needed to make only a couple of small changes, so I'm really happy that it's better than I remember. There's still a long way to go to do a full read through and edit, but a part of me is wondering whether this would be a better book to release in 2012 rather than reissuing 'Orb of Arawaan'. That would then give me a little extra time to reread Orb just to be sure it is polished. I'll have a speak with the publisher later in the day and see what they say; I've emailed them a copy of the manuscript too. I have a suspicion that they will whinge "We do sci-fi and fantasy books, and this one isn't". Still, don't ask - don't get. 

class 04 shunting

A little something from my work last week that took me to Cheddleton station at the Churnet Valley Railway.